By Desiree Mulinazzi
Today as I began to write about my life experience, I was struck by the recurrence of certain themes, the interplay between concepts and words that kept coming up, how they intersect, overlap and influence each other --
Wellness. Wholeness. Love. Service.
God’s Love We Deliver doesn’t just feed people, but fully, uniquely embodies their belief that food is love. That it’s an enormous part of wellness. That wholesome, nutritious, medically tailored food made with love, packed and delivered by hand with love, brings a feeling of wholeness, of normalcy, of wellness to those living with illness. Over and over it came up that those who show love by giving, through service, receive in return love exponential. Big love. And that that engenders an incomparable feeling of wellbeing.
the gift of wellness.
Almost all my life, I’ve enjoyed not only natural, hearty good examples of wellness. My mother was the example of the true personification of the word. Despite all her illness she provided love, service, cooked food and in her moments on earth she was a wellness ambassador!
My Journey
Most of my life I have not been as lucky. Despite my history of poor health my joy has always been in service and love. I recently have experienced a mysterious bout of un-wellness: months and months of chronic deep abdominal pain, difficulty breathing, low blood sugars, swelling in my lower extremity and upper, instability in my blood pressure, and pulse, tremors, fatigue and weakness. This was as bewildering as it was debilitating. Miserable and inexplicable, it robbed me of my energy, challenged my mood. Some days it was as small as an annoying headache; other days I fully took to my bed unable to raise my head or walk to the bathroom. Many days, breathing treatments, pain meds and prayer was my only relief. I had to opt for making it thru the day as a goal versus completion of a task. The challenge mentally was a battlefield of the mind. The practice that had always been for me about feeling fantastic and, lets be honest, looking good and being a good mother, spouse, house and home maker, was now about digging for deeper resources, staying out of the hospital breathing for air and calm, praying for help and thanking God for the provisions of the church and friends! And, oh my, I was so very, very blessed I have a husband who worked hard to understand and help me through it, and kids that loved me extra hard. I have a church family that filled in with rides, food and house chores-- without them we would not have survived! I was also very fortunate that we had great providers and insurance. Despite not always knowing the cause, my fight never waivered. All the time it was happening -- as frightened as I was that the situation might be permanent, my new normal -- and then, too, when it went away, I felt profoundly aware that what happened to me was NOTHING compared to what some people go through. A lot of people, right here in Kansas City have no back up, and are much, much sicker, and don’t magically get better in half a year. It could always be worse! Whatever I am going thru it’s temporary! And I understand, at a personal level, some things I hadn’t before. I learned to trust God like never before. At times like these, even if you’re lucky enough to have a strong support system -- family, friends, help -- illness is lonely. It makes you feel distant and disconnected, drawn into worry, all your energy and concentration going toward trying to heal. It chafes against your entire identity, your most basic sense of yourself. And I learned that it can happen to anyone at any time – yes, even the most aggressively healthy of us. I learned that while we often take it for granted, wellness is indeed a gift. Each day, hour, week that we get as chronic illness warriors we celebrate because the next minute is not promised. It is an unpredictable path that we travel. The road to recovery for us is uncharted. So we celebrate each milestone! I have learned to look for the good and celebrate, because it could always be worse.
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