There are good days and bad days. Yesterday started out great but I pushed myself too hard and am suffering today. I hate how depressed I get in the midst of this. I was only able to sleep off and on a bit last night.
I hate how down I can get considering how blessed I have been overall in life. To be born in a free country. To know the love of God. To have the love of family and friends. To be able to make this journey solo as a single woman.
It would be remiss of not to share the down moments in the midst of this. Last night I cried and wrote a post on my blog that is currently in drafts. I don't know if I will ever share it. But truly I was contemplating life. Existence. Again. Do not worry I will not be ending my life, unfortunately these are the things/thoughts I have to deal with.
What am I doing with my life? What CAN I do with my present life that will bring prosperity for my future? I'm on this journey racking up more debt when I'm already in debt.
There are moments when nothing matters but the present moment and finding peace within it... then there are moments when reality hits and you feel like you're drowning and there is nothing anyone can do to save you.
I've learned to allow these moments to hit me and let them pass. To feel them and let them go. When it is right in front of you it feels so big, but the further away you get... the smaller it is until you can't even see it.
All this to say, remember it's ok to feel what you're feeling. Just remember to keep moving and not stay in that feeling because it will pass... like a log sticking out when you're floating on a river. Huge and perilous when it is next to you... as long as you dont hold onto it, it becomes small and eventually disappears from view when you get further downstream.
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